The Burden of Good Intentions

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You know, it’s funny. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my words, actions, or some combination of the two have the power to make someone feel special. I’ve also been thinking about how my words, actions, or combination of the two – even when well-intentioned – might make someone feel burdened. You see, what I’ve come to realize is that some people –no matter how much we like them – have trouble accepting love. In those cases, short texts that say, “I miss you,” or “I can’t wait to see you,” somehow become guilt triggers. It’s as if my well-intentioned little blip of love somehow becomes an obligation that the person isn’t sure he/she deserves, knows what to do with, or can embrace.

What am I talking about? You’re probably thinking, “Man, I would love someone to text me just to say they are thinking about me.” Well, me too! But I’ve learned over the years that not everyone is like me. And sometimes the baggage people carry is a brand we’d never recognize, even on our worst day.

If you are one of the people who feels anxiety when an “I miss you” is expressed, I can only offer my perspective as a possible way to lessen those negative feelings. My advice is this: take what is said at face value. If I take a moment to say, “I miss you,” it’s not because I want you to say it back (although if you miss me, it would be nice to know). I also am not saying it to make you feel guilty. As a person who literally goes crazy without an ability to express myself, I am simply releasing an emotion that is weighing me down. I am taking an otherwise crappy feeling and turning it into a positive energy in the world. It’s nothing more than a condensed version of: “Hey you – over there – even if I just saw you last night, I am missing time in your presence and I really hope we can at some point, without asking you to commit to a time or place, reconnect.” Moreover, it’s saying, “Even though I am super busy and you are super busy, I am thinking about you and I wanted you to know.”

In addition to the above, I also ask those who shy away from affection to remember that it takes a certain amount of courage to express something like, “I miss you,” or “I’m thinking about you.” The person who initiates that kind of sentiment is trusting that you’ll place at least a little value on what’s in their heart. And so while it may make you uncomfortable to say something similar back, I encourage you to at least find something to say in response (although I’d avoid “thank you”). After all, it’s been said that our legacy is determined by the value of a person’s relationships. And any relationship – with too much neglect – is destined to fail. So step just a little out your comfort zone to appreciate that. Even if you don’t feel like you are, you might just be special to someone. And that’s pretty awesome.

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One thought on “The Burden of Good Intentions

    Nyambura said:
    August 10, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    Well said. 🙂

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